Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. It’s okay to say no, even to people and things who matter, especially when you are not ready. It’s okay to yes, and end up failing, if failing is what it takes to make you better. It’s okay to plan, and not follow your plans, and get lost, and wonder when you’d find your way again. Whisper to yourself, while on the desk of an office cubicle you hate, while having a dry piece of chicken for dinner the 4th time in a row, alone, at a fast food joint, while staying awake at 2am thinking of where life has gone and where your seventeen year old self has gone – whisper “it’s okay. it’s okay. it’s okay.”
My deepest prayer is that your faith does not ever run out.
While there are multiple of distractions in this world, I hope you find it in you the focus and determination to strive to love and to live according to Him.
You have been out of the line recently, looking for redemption at the most common yet ultimately wrong places. You went searching for it in people and achievements and riches and things of this world. But we all know, since time immemorial, that the only one who could give you the redemption you need is Him.
But you kept running away. Why?
I see. Because you have often felt that you aren’t ready yet, aren’t worthy yet, aren’t IT yet. You were a sinner, and despite attempts, you are a sinner still. You fell in the mud.
And you kept swimming there. You are dirty anyways. The rest of the world is in the same puddle of mud too, why bother getting out?
But you have to bother getting out. Because in you is a constant search for a redeeming moment. And as you know, nothing and no one can give it to you. Only the Redeemer.
So I hope you find it in you, the courage to pick yourself up from the dirt. Because you are capable. The strength to let go of the life that was, to welcome the life that is, and will always be.
I hope you find it in you, the strength to run towards Him who waits, perpetually, with arms wide open. He waits for you. No need to worry.
Move now. Your 23 year old self sipping coffee at a high end third wave coffee shop, feeling unworthy and desperate and anxious and utter dislike over herslef, will be most proud and grateful.
To be with your adventure partner means these:
That you are with someone who completely gets you when you feel that irresistible urge to go out…to anywhere, just because;
That you are assured that someone has your back when the trail is too long and difficult, or the pack is too heavy to carry, or the weather is too bad to be out. He can pass you that jelly ace on the hike to get by. He can be your instant porter. And he can dance under the rain with you too;
That despite the missed bus stops, the lost travel gears, the bad weather, someone is there to shake and laugh it all off. Because he, too, understands that these little details make up for the big adventure that you both share;
That you can disagree on itineraries and budget and transportation, and end up agreeing anyways to let go of plans and be as spontaneous as you could be;
That after every good surfing wave, or beautiful sunrise, or picturesque blanket of stars, the best memory is the one with you in it. And he will look at you with eyes that speak like you are more beautiful than that perfect swell, or that orange sunrise or that star-filled sky. You are the most beautiful of all, and he will make you feel it.
The universe has its own way of getting back at you.
You should know that what you do today has an equal effect on what will happen to you tomorrow. What you plant will grow. What you reaped will be lost. And what you will lose will be replaced by another seed to plant again. It is a cycle.
Some would say it is vicious. And you have no choice but to partake in it. Imagine having to deal with losses, too many of them. Imagine having to experience pain for the sake of pain. Imagine the tragedy you have to go through over and over again. It is part of it. And you have no escape.
But with it being vicious makes it equally hopeful and great as well. A cup is emptied because it shall be filled again. A door is closed because a world outside your world awaits. A life is lost only because a birth is underway. Goodbyes equate to hellos. That’s what makes it hopeful because hope is never gone.
So when the bad times come, think that the good times will do, too. Because the universe has its own way of getting back at you.